I’d like to introduce you to your wounded self. This is a wonderful but wounded person who lives deep inside you. She’s a little girl or little boy with emotional scars that have never healed.
At some point in your childhood, you were shamed or humiliated in a way that hurt you deeply. Perhaps a sibling constantly mocked you, a parent emotionally abandoned you, or a friend broke your trust in an extremely painful way.
Because these people didn’t know your Energy Type, they didn’t really know you. They made assumptions about you – and unfortunately, you may have absorbed these assumptions about yourself too.
Throughout your life, you’ve been profiling your wounded self, thinking, “I am this way,” and “I am that way.” But wait. Are all of those things really true?
No. They’re old assumptions, not facts. It’s time to shake up a lifetime of mistaken beliefs and rediscover your authentic self buried inside, underneath it all.
What Does “Wounded Self” Mean?
The wounded self forms when you’re shamed for just being you. Feelings of embarrassment, abandonment, and humiliation can cut deep. To protect yourself from emotional damage, you form a tough mental and emotional scar.
For many of us, the natural response is to shut down. When we encounter shame and uncertainty, we distance ourselves to push away the pain. We stop trusting others, foster self-doubt, and forget how to believe in ourselves.
Self-distrust can begin as a small child and remain well into adulthood. Our childhoods shape who we become as people and how we relate to ourselves.
As a result, our adult selves can be severely impacted by childhood trauma. We store painful memories in our minds and bodies for decades. This damage can alter our mental health, our interpersonal relationships, and even how our bodies physically feel.
Emotional wounds create physical wounds, leading to serious illnesses like depression, chronic pain, mood disorders, personality disorders, and more. Over time, these illnesses can become debilitating.
Some people enter a vicious cycle of illness, where emotional wounds cause physical symptoms, physical symptoms cause additional problems like sleep disturbances and raised stress hormones, and the overall well-being of the body decreases dramatically.
Unless we develop awareness and insight into the origin and extent of our early wounding, we will continue to carry this damage for a lifetime. However, if we can awaken ourselves to the root of the problem, we can take positive steps toward change.
Signs That You Haven’t Healed Your Inner Child
Now let’s look at some signs of a wounded inner child. If you see these characteristics in yourself, you may have some buried and unresolved emotional wounds.
People with emotional wounds often become tight and inflexible human beings. They operate from a place of fear and shame, and that shows in their rigid words and actions.
Another sign is that you default to bossiness, trying to control and dominate other people instead of focusing on your own life. Do you try to boss people around all day long, even when it’s not necessary?
Wounded people often have trouble controlling their anger and resentment. Their anger seeps into every relationship and interaction. There is no inner peace, thus there is no outward peace.
Instead of dealing with conflict directly, you become an introvert who runs away from things. You avoid challenge and responsibility at all costs. This can also lead to long periods of isolation and even forgetting how to love yourself and others.
Are you easily manipulated? Do you comply with others’ demands, even at a high cost to your own well-being? Codependency, victimhood, and being weak-willed are signs of a wounded inner child.
Words and actions from decades ago can come back to haunt you, chipping away at your self-esteem. Whenever you try to build yourself up, something whispers, “You can’t do it.”
You deny yourself self-love, genuine emotional intimacy, attachment, personal growth, and trust. You can’t share yourself deeply with other people, because you deny important parts of yourself.
Perhaps you experience a combination of all of these emotions. Sometimes you’re a doormat, and other times you explode in frustration. You can’t maintain a stable mood.
You feel like a fake, a fraud, and a failure in real life who could be “found out” by others. Psychologists call this impostor syndrome, and 70% of people will experience some form of it at some point in their lives. It severely limits your ability to enjoy life.
Take some time to review the characteristics above and look inside yourself. Are you angry, codependent, bossy, avoidant, or in denial? Is it hard to understand your own emotions? By opening yourself up to questions like these, you can begin a new and transformative healing process.
Are You Profiling Your Wounded Self Without Knowing It?
If you’ve never healed your inner child, you grew up behaving in a way that protected rather than honored you. But you may not even realize you’ve been doing this.
So let’s take a proactive step toward emotional healing. Here’s an exercise to find out if you’re profiling your wounded self and wrapping yourself up in false beliefs.
Ask yourself these 9 questions with a quick yes or no, and then take time to reflect and write out your answers in more detail:
- Do I act the way I do because it makes me feel safe in the world? Yes / No
- Do I believe people will like me better and accept me more easily if I behave the way I feel I need to? Yes / No
- At some point in my childhood, did I start to play it safe and stop being my natural self? Yes / No
- Do I feel safe and free to be myself now? Yes / No
- Have I felt that way my entire life? Yes / No
- Do I feel I have to alter the way I am depending on where I am and who I am with? Yes / No
- Do I feel I can just be myself no matter where I am or who I am with? Yes / No
- Do I feel empowered by the traits and tendencies that draw me toward a certain Energy Type? Yes / No
- Do I feel shamed and depleted by the traits and tendencies that draw me toward a certain Energy Type? Yes / No
What kinds of insights came to you during this exercise? Did you discover some difficult feelings and memories? What was the cause-and-effect of old, painful experiences? Did they change your behavior and beliefs about yourself?
A good sign that you’re profiling your wounded self is that you feel the need to act a certain way to feel safe and accepted by others in this world. Consider this: Is the way you’re behaving every day a natural expression or is it a required one?
What is Your True Energy Type?
Remember: when you’re living true to your Energy Type, you express yourself with ease, and your natural movement fulfills you. You are open and flexible in your thinking because you are unburdened by past experiences. Letting go is a comfortable feeling.
Each of the 4 Energy Types has a natural way their energy is expressed:
A Type 1 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more spontaneous and light in the way they approach life.
A Type 2 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more methodical and sensitive in the way they approach life.
A Type 3 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more determined and assertive in the way they approach life.
A Type 4 person naturally feels fulfilled by being more analytical and reflective in the way they approach life.
Imagine what it would feel like to express yourself freely. It’s so invigorating to simply embody your natural movement, traits, and tendencies. And it’s completely possible.
Healing Your Wounded Inner Child
Through the healing process and some inner work, you can learn to express your true self with natural ease. I invite you to join the Live Your Truth lifestyle to find a wealth of support that will help you heal and make self-care a priority in your life.
Here’s a glimpse at the kind of resources you’ll find:
- A Powerful Visualization to Heal Your Inner Child: Type Talk With Carol
- Discover Your Type of Beauty for Free
- Start Dressing Your Truth
- Join Lifestyle
- It’s Just My Nature
Thousands of women are finally discovering their true selves through the healing power of self-love and self-discovery. Let’s peel back the layers of what’s keeping you stuck and reveal the beautiful woman deep within.
“I found my long-lost best friend who I haven’t seen in 40 years. I didn’t realize that I left her behind, or that I didn’t stand up for her, or how much it broke my heart. But once I did, I have had more healing, more than I have experienced my whole life. I am truly happy now from the inside out and now I am more calm and patient with people of all 4 Energy Types.”
I want you to experience what Tzofiya and thousands of other women are experiencing by coming home to your true self, living it every day with a natural ease. Discovering your Type of beauty and learning about Dressing Your Truth helps you peel back layers that are keeping you stuck and reveal the beautiful woman deep within.
I have many more supportive healing resources in my Lifestyle content to help you heal. Become a member and begin your journey to wholeness.
Resources to support you in identifying your true self: