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Why Trying To “Blend-In” Could Be Making You “Stick-Out”? Stacey’s Before & After

Could "trying not to be noticed" be bringing you the wrong kind of recognition?

You want to be respected and valued, appreciated for your keen insight and sound judgment. But instead, you are being called “critical and pushy.”

Wondering what it would feel like to have others welcome and appreciate your gifts? And you, in turn, know how to better respect the gifts of others, especially in your workplace? Join me and my Type 4 Expert, Kalista, as we walk Stacey through a makeover that takes her from “Flannel Friday” to a bold beautiful woman in tune with her own sense of style and confident in her inner stillness. Hear it in her own words at (14:15).

Stacey is a stunning Type 4 woman who always felt confident in her keen insight, but wasn’t communicating that to her coworkers in a way that was welcomed. She tried to tone-it-down, and subdue her nature. Watch as we show her that by ditching the grey and beige and dressing true to her energy and standing in her stillness she will create an environment of respect that blesses her and those around her too.

In this Before & After we talk about (The makeover begins at 13:00):

  • (1:51) How Stacey learned to mindfully manage her gifts to refine her approach.
  • (5:25) Why when trying to “soften” your look you can create the opposite (and undesirable) effect.
  • (17:26) How your Style Guide to create harmony in your style.

Embrace the balanced and healthy expression of your own natural beauty with my free Beginner’s Guide.

Did this makeover inspire you? Share it with a bold and beautiful woman in your life!

We thought you might like these additional Before & After makeovers:

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Video Transcript

Carol: It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Stacey. Hi, Stacey.

Stacey: Hi, Carol.

Carol: It’s just an honor for me and my team to support you in this process and you’ve learned your beauty type. You’re a type 4 woman. Share with our viewers a little bit about that process for you and how you, as you read the book and you went through the online course, how you identified with what you were learning.

Stacey: The course was amazing to me, first of all. Growing up, I liked to be very solitary, very still, very quiet. My parents used to tell me, “You have to go out and make friends.” You know, they would threaten me. And I…probably the word that jumped out at me the most from your book was stupid and I was really uplifted to find out that calling things stupid, there was nothing bad about that because I’ve been criticized about it my whole life. Everybody has said it’s not nice to call something stupid, then I would say, “Well, I’m not calling the person stupid. I’m calling the idea stupid or the situation.” And it was just amazing to me when I read that in the book and I said, “That’s me. That’s who I am. I get this.”

Carol: And that your motive in it wasn’t to be putting people down or things down, it was a way of personal reference for you to recognize that in your world that didn’t…you saw something different, you saw, in your experience, a more balanced approach or more refined approach. Again, using your gift for being that…stepping back, seeing the bigger picture, having a keen eye to critique. And you’re a professional woman.

Stacey: I am.

Carol: And so you have noticed as well that in your particular professional career, you’ve been able to utilize your natural gifts.

Stacey: Yes.

Carol: And share how in the roles you play in your workplace you are utilizing these gifts. What was validated that you’re like, “Wow, I’m in a good place with my job?”

Stacey: Well, I’m a manager and I work in a food manufacturing industry and quality is very important to our industry and I’m in a position where the product is mine last before it becomes packaged. So I’m the person who gets to say, “Yes, we got it right.”

Carol: In that role, which just in your matter of fact way, that’s what I do. And has it always been received by the superiors that you work with or supervisors? Like has there been some struggle in your process?

Stacey: You know, it’s been interesting. My employees appreciate me, my coworkers and my managers have been critical. I’ve been called mean, I’ve been called pushy, I’ve been called negative and…

Carol: Too critical.

Stacey: Too critical. And it’s really…it’s hurt because in my mind it’s like, “No, I’m trying to make it better. I’m trying to make it the best that it can be.”

Carol: Yeah. In your mind it’s like, “Okay, I was hired…”

Stacey: Exactly.

Carol: Haven’t you even had free, like…

Stacey: I’ve said that to my boss. I said, “You hired me for my opinion. You need to listen to it.”

Carol: Yes. You’re very matter of fact what you did. So since you’ve learned your energy type and your beauty profile and you’ve learned about that other people have different expressions of nature, how has that been a value to you in your work experience?

Stacey: It’s helped a lot because one of the things that has really bothered me is the feeling that I’m not being valued and respected and now I understand that I come across in such a strong manner that I take people back. So I have learned to be a little more still and a little more quiet, and I might not say anything in a meeting and I’ll go up to somebody after the meeting and I’ll quietly make a suggestion.

Carol: So that you’re management of it. So that it’s that you are then respected rather than putting people on a defensive in a defensive position or they’re feeling attacked or minimized in some way.

Stacey: Yes.

Carol: So though, how are people responding to you now, since you’ve made these little…tweaked these little mannerisms, you know, kind of what I call managing and mindfully are the manager of your own energy?

Stacey: Yes. Back when I first learned my energy type after I had read the information, I decided to experiment with it. I gave it 30 days. I said, “For 30 days, I’m going to live my type 4 energy and I’m going to respect the energies of my coworkers,” and a lot of my coworkers are type 1. They’re very fun. They wanna start meetings with games and it had always annoyed me, but I thought, “All right, I’m gonna be calm and patient about this. I’m gonna respect their games and I’m going to live my still nature.” And after 30 days, my boss called me in and she said to me, she said, “I really want to recognize that in this past month I’ve seen a huge change in you.” She said that, “You have really worked hard on not being mean.” And she had noticed a calmness about me and she wanted to call me in and thank me for the obvious effort that I put in. And I thought, “Wow, I really haven’t done that much other than just stillness.

Carol: And notice their motive, and their need, and their energy type to do what they do rather than being resistant or having…

Stacey: Trying to change it. I was always trying to change it. I wanted the meeting run my way even though I wasn’t the boss.

Carol: Because how did you feel about the games?

Stacey: I didn’t like the games. I felt like it was…the phrase I used to use was, “Well, there’s 10 minutes of my life, I’ll never get back.” Because…

Carol: This is not the best use of our time.

Stacey: This not the best use of our time.

Carol: And now you understand their motive.

Stacey: Yes.

Carol: And you can appreciate that. It’s not yours.

Stacey: It’s not mine.

Carol: But it is theirs.

Stacey: And so, in your dress today, you’ve shared with me that you have a tradition in your workspace called Flannel Fridays. So this is your Flannel Friday outfits. And tell me your motive and choosing this.

Stacey: Well, I was trying to find a flannel that was soft and feminine. I was trying to downplay my overbearing nature. And so I thought…

Carol: Now, I wanna correct you. You’re not overbearing, you can learn this. What was perceived as overbearing, what was misunderstood as overbearing because I really wanna support you in your process of recognizing the honor of that free gift.

Stacey: Yeah, I was just trying to tone down and be soft and in my mind, when I found this shirt, I thought it was perfect because of the soft grays and the soft greens. I thought that it was a feminine way of looking at flannel and that was what I was trying for. And I really thought that I had achieved it.

Carol: Well, you’ve entered, introduced to your dressing your truth stunning style and you can now see that not even close.

Stacey: Not even close. No.

Carol: And I’ve shared this and I include myself in that as well, because type 3 women and type 4 women, when we try and subdue our nature, we actually come across with more of what because of cultural standards, what feels and looks more manly.

Stacey: Yes. Yeah.

Carol: So you actually hit the opposite experience. You’re like…

Stacey: And I didn’t realize till I saw the photograph.

Carol: …”We’re not looking real cute here.”

Stacey: Exactly.

Carol: So we’re excited to support you and bringing out those qualities of your stunning beauty, and I’m very excited that you’re so eager to now move into the dressing because your 30-day experiment with just management of your behavior and your personality will now go to a whole ‘nother level as you express your truth in your style. So let’s meet Calista and see what she’s chosen for you.

Stacey: All right.

[00:07:11] [music] [00:07:36]

Carol: Well, as you can see, Calista has selected a fabulous ensemble of clothes and accessories that really represent the movement of your type 4 expression. What do you think about this?

Stacey: I think it’s amazing. The blue is such a stunning color. The fabric, the structure of it, it’s wonderful. The thing that I had the hardest time adjusting to is black. My wardrobe has no black, no white.

Carol: Interesting. That’s actually quite the opposite of the common type 4 woman. It’s such a relief. A lot of type 4 women as you know, Calista, when they realize, ” I’m a type 4,” their next thought is, “I get to keep all my black.”

Calista: I have black in my closet. Yeah.

Carol: And so, that’ll be for those that relate to your experience, why did you stay away from the black? Did you feel it was just overstating yourself?

Stacey: It felt too strong. It felt like I was too loud in a room, too much presence in black. So I always wore beige, gray, brown.

Carol: And that effort again to try and compensate for what you felt was a character flaw. Well, this is perfect. So I’m glad that you’ve chosen a staple outfit of black, Calista.

Calista: I’m glad. I’m glad. So what we do have is a black on black. We have a black bottom and a black top. This particular top here has a structure created with this strong, bold neckline. It’s lovely. It’s accented and it has that nice high shine feel to it. Our jacket here that we’ve chosen to add to our black on black has wonderful structure. We can see the right angles here in the hemline, the clean collar. It’s a very dramatic feel. We have these lovely pockets. I’m gonna show you the back here. You can see this lovely pleading down the back. It’s gonna be slimming and very structured, very, very polished.

Carol: Have you been drawn to these, like you just kind of like sort of like secretly, “Oh, I really like that, but I can’t wear it or I shouldn’t wear it.” You know?

Stacey: I had some of it in my closet for if I had to fly back to corporate for something. I like to make a statement when I’m, you know?

Carol: So you had your like moments you could really dress truly who you are.

Stacey: I did. Yes. And those moments it was red, it was sapphire blue, it was fuchsia. So I did have those things, but I was pairing them with gray, or beige, or…

Carol: All right. Well these fabrications are perfect because they really hold their shape very beautifully.

Calista: Yeah. Let’s talk about the bottoms. We like the classic seam down the front of the pant and this one is actually stitched in place so you’re always gonna have that lovely structured, clean line. Do you like that?

Stacey: I do.

Calista: You think that’s gonna feel nice?
Carol: The crease into your own pants, has that been common for you?

Stacey: I do. And I have purchased pants before with the sewn in the front because I liked the crispness of the detail, the fact that it’s just always perfect. You know?

Carol: Yes. And those parallel lines that the design line creates.

Calista: Black is like you said, our basic type 4 staple. But when you just pair black on black with no accessories, it’s not type 4, it’s just black. What makes it a fabulous type 4 stunning style is adding things like this neckline, your accessories. Those are what bring it into that polished, beautiful, clean look that we’re wanting. So with this top, we have the neckline acting as a necklace and we’re going to accessorize it with these lovely earrings. These have a onyx-colored rhinestone oval shape. Do you like those?

Stacey: Those are perfect.

Calista: Wonderful.

Stacey: And because we do have the bold neckline, we’re gonna pair it with a very simple bracelet. It’s a beautiful clean lines, high reflective silver. Oh, and these shoes, I am in love with these shoes. They are blue, they’re black. They’re blue, they’re black.

Carol: That’s fabulous.

Stacey: Yeah. It’s iridescence.

Calista: Yeah. It’s lovely. It’s wonderful. So they’re gonna really tie the blue of the jacket and the black of the clothing together.

Carol: So, Stacey, have you ever colored your hair?

Stacey: Yes.

Carol: Okay. Have you noticed that you’ve ever done it more in a type 4 color or style? A lot of times women will look back and say, “Oh, wow, okay. There’s where I was kind of doing it,” you know, in a past hairstyle.

Stacey: Type 4 style, yeah. I think I’ve always tried to keep it very clean. I used to wear it long and if I was going out, it was always up in a French twist, very controlled, very styled. At work, it was in a ponytail. I used to hate it when the little hairs would be loose. I was constantly trying to tuck everything and keep it neat.

Carol: Like real sleek look.

Stacey: Right. So I think I was honoring my type 4 that way.

Carol: You were.

Stacey: But in color, generally reds. Sometimes highlighted with blondes.

Carol: Well, your coloring right now is in the world of a type 4 woman, when you start to gray, it actually becomes this very striking quality of white. And so, we will not tell you where we’re going with this. Will she be dark? Will she be red? Where should we go, we’ll see. We know where we’re going, but we’re not telling you. But you’re willing to make a change with your hair to support, again, you’re type 4 movement. What’s your background with makeup?

Stacey: Minimal.

Carol: Okay. Would be, again, common. There is that bold lip and as, you know, how do you feel about the bold lip color?

Stacey: I’ve tried. I like the color red. It’s always been a favorite color of mine and I bought red lipsticks before. I’ve never worn them out in public.

Carol: Interesting. So, again, your beauty sixth sense is saying, “Yes, I love that.”

Calista: You don’t even reference that. You’re just like, “Wow, you look amazing.” And it’s never in reference to a lip color or anything like that.

Carol: And that will be true for you as well. So let’s get this going.

Calista: All right.

[00:13:02] [music] [00:13:24]

Carol: Well, Stacey’s reveal, I’m confident will be remarkable.

Calista: It’s stunning. Just breathtaking.

Carol: Will I even recognize her?

Calista: I don’t know. It’s quite dramatic. She looks amazing.

Carol: Well, I’m pretty excited for this. Let’s take a look at her before picture. Is she ready?

Calista: She is. Stacey, come on out.

Carol: Oh, okay. I’m gonna like drop to the floor. You can pick me up.

Calista: It’s okay, Carol.

Carol: I’m serious. Is my jaw falling onto the ground here? Oh, my goodness. I am just… Step right in here. You’re just. Wow. Okay, I’m thinking of your before with your Flannel Friday shirt. You’re gonna have to keep that just as a token for, “Okay. I was wrong.” No.

Stacey: I’m shocked. I really am.

Carol: Are you shocked?

Stacey: I’m shocked.

Carol: What is this like for you?
Stacey: It’s weird. When I first saw this whole look, I had two thoughts that came to me. One was, “Who is that?” And then the second one though was a sense of it fits. It feels like it touches my soul. It’s the most amazing contrast. So it’s perfect.

Carol: And in your case, we left your natural color. I can see that. And I didn’t know where you were going with that. If you were gonna color over it.

Calista: The white is so…it’s that snowy white, beautiful, crisp feel to it. It looks so elegant on her.

Stacey: I’d like the viewers to see what I’m seeing, if you don’t mind giving us just a quick profile shot. You can see that it almost creates a high contrast quality because we got a little bit darker here, which I really love on you, Stacey. Good choice, Calista.

Calista: Oh, thank you.

Carol: Do you love the short?

Calista: I do. Yes. The hairstyle, I was having so much fun just watching the cut evolve and, you know, I was a little worried that it was going a little short. I couldn’t quite see it, but it’s perfect. It really is.

Carol: You’re an example of what we’ve taught that less is more.

Calista: Yes.

Carol: In your world. And then, again, we’ve a little bit of movement in how you’ve stylized, and I like that.

Calista: Yeah. Just a little bit. Just to give it a little more interest and some texture.

Carol: I love the blue, it’s phenomenal on you.

Stacey: Oh, I do too. Yes.

Carol: I love this, is a very well-placed, structured collar. Can I change the movement of it?

Stacey: Yes.

Carol: I just wanna show how that… Now we have a movie star on set.
Calista: Dramatic quality to it.

Carol: Yes. Which kind of takes it to a little bit higher level of…

Calista: It does. Little…

Carol: Little dressier.

Calista: …[inaudible 00:15:52].

Stacey: I feel like I stand taller, you know, not stiff, but just lifted.

Calista: Good.

Stacey: Yeah, it’s amazing.

Carol: And I love that you’ve got a bolder brow and that’s framing your eye and it’s creating a…

Calista: Creates the balance on the top.

Carol: What are you loving about her beautiful type 4 outfit look?

Calista: I love the blue with the purple lips. It gives you a presence that is strong without being loud. You look amazing.

Stacey: I love the lipstick. When you picked it out, I thought,” I love the color, but I can’t imagine that on my face. It is so bright and pure.” But it’s amazing. When I looked in the mirror, it became part of me and I love it.

Calista: Wonderful. Good.

Stacey: So thank you.

Calista: You’re welcome.

Carol: So in your workspace where you’ve been really committed to really supporting others in who they are and being seen for who you are, you know, bringing the collar back down, changing out the earring to be a little less formal, putting a flat on, do you feel like this is something you could wear?

Stacey: Yes. Yeah. It’s something that I think would bring me a lot of pleasure to wear.

Carol: I think it would bring you quite a bit of respect as well.

Stacey: Certainly gonna garner some attention.

Carol: That is true. And how do you feel about that, being noticed?

Stacey: It’s gonna be interesting because I spent so much time trying not to be noticed, but this feels so amazing to me today. This is who I want to be.

Carol: Fabulous. That’s who you are.

Stacey: Thank you. We’re just honoring what is truly you and your type 4 expression of beauty. I’m gonna grab the style guide, and again, we can see the connection here. The harmony, it’s relating. The colors are all saturated hues. I love the black on black with bringing in the blue that Calista chose. And then with the makeup, the makeup creates balance. You can see that bold lip creates balance, symmetry, and then the clean lines in the hair, a little bit movement with the style all expressing these type 4 words that are so beautifully you, that bold, the firm, simple. We’ve got the striking structured, clean quality of your look and your outfit, the style that you put together, true to your type 4 beauty is meant to express the movement of these words. So we’re gonna give you the style guide, that’s gonna be an opportunity for you to support yourself and we’d love to invite you to do our 30-day challenge. True to the five elements for your type 4 beauty in your clothing, your accessorizing, your hair, your makeup to really commit to just, “I’m fully on board. I’m gonna do it.” Because in that process, you’ll have an ability to know the difference from what was your experience and what you thought was correct for you before dressing your truth and what is really, truly you and distinctly you as a type 4 woman. Does it feel like something you’d wanna do?

Stacey: Yes. Feels like a perfect challenge.

Carol: I think you would do it anyway. I sense from you, Stacey, that you’re fully invested. You get that in your type 4 nature you understand how this experience resonates with you deeply…

Stacey: It does.

Carol: …and it really does honor who you are.

Stacey: It brings me a lot of peace.
Carol: So you really don’t even need our challenge, but it’s fun to invite you to do it anyway. So any closing thoughts, Calista?

Calista: Just continue being the beautiful, bold, stunning woman you are and don’t apologize for it. Just be in that.

Stacey: Very good. I will.

Calista: Thank you.

Carol: Thank you so much for letting us support you.

Stacey: Thank you. Dressing your truth has been an amazing experience.

Carol. Thank you.

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